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H2K - MORE SPIN THAN A CHEAP LAUNDROMAT by A Dwarf Named Warren

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cDc communications sez:
[From the Lubbock Bunker] Everyone has their own take on H2K. The hype, the hacking, the home hair coloring *eek*, the damp panties, the fuckwads who tossed the explosive off the roof of the Hotel Pennsylvania - and of course - the columns of teenage vomit spewed in salute to Manhattan, the city that serves minors. But enough of the little people. Let's move on to the real stars of the show - the CULT OF THE DEAD COW.

Where to begin. Oh, yeah, THE SHOW.

Nothin' says lovin' like the cold mackin' stylee of Grandmaster Ratte' (GR). ALL BOW DOWN. From the moment he bust his entrance, ladies fainted, grown men cried, and teenie haXors came in their BLACK BLACK pants. It was pretty and fitting. Then came the really cool stuff. Lip-synching. You know. Like what alla the great big stars do when they're too lazy to actually rap or sing. And since GR is way bigger than N'Sync and Leif Garett put together, he decided to do 'em one better. He used a rubber snake instead of a mike. Holy Shit. What a fuckin' genius.

Next up.

SD and Dildog talked alla that technical crap to people who can't get enough of it. The room was so full of wood by the time they finished you coulda clear-cut the place. Oh, well. And then, the real scary stuff.

Oxblood Ruffin hit the stage like a young Bella Abzug. Whippin' up a political frenzy, impressing the fuck out of network television producers [Look, keep it in your pants and get to the point - Ed.], he announced the formation of Hacktivismo, the international hacktivism group that will work under the direction of the CULT OF THE DEAD COW. Can anyone say The Mixter? Can I get a side of Bronc Buster? Hardly anyone will get what this means, but like I care.

Anyway, after that there was more rappin' on stage with GR, Macki and Sunspot. Fuckin' A. Ooops. I totally forgot about the play. O.K., so backup.

After GR got hit the stage at the beginning he introduced the cDc play. Yes, we engaged an ENTIRE acting company to school the haXors in the art of creation. And this acting company is called THE BAOBAB GROOVE. Go check 'em out at www.baobabgroove.com. I'd give you a review of play but it'd be a waste of time. It was completely amazing and those cats rock serious ass. But if you weren't there, you wouldn't get it. Be sure to check out THE BAOBAB GROOV\'s many activities if you're ever in New York, because they're almost as cool as we are. One of their guys is in a Pepsi commercial, RIGHT NOW. If that don't make Gene Hackman scared, I don't know what scared is.

Oh. And then we announced the release of a new version of Whisker by the uber-elite dood Rain.Forest.Puppy. And then Jello Biafra got on stage with us and did a victory salute, and we all exploded into orgasm...AGAIN!

[written by] A Dwarf Named Warren.


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