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PRESS RELEASE: APOCALYPSE APPROACHES! (OR NOT)

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -*- cDc communications -*- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


THE APOCALYPSE APPROACHES!
(or not)


THIS SATURDAY ONLY:
CHRISTIANITY GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE!


Everyone not nailed-down must go!


-xXx-


CULT OF THE DEAD COW
CHALLENGES
HAROLD CAMPING
TO PUT HIS MONEY WHERE HIS MESSIAH IS


"Whatever you do, DON'T DISREGARD THIS WARNING.
Don't hope that this is just an idle threat. Don't argue
with yourself that your church and/or your pastor do not teach
this. Don't listen to the scientists who insist so
confidently that this universe is millions or billions
of years old.

The likelihood of September, 1994 being the very end of this
world is so very great that the alarm must be taken
very seriously."


That's how Family Radio President and General Manager Harold Camping introduced his previous claim that the apocalypse was imminent. In 1994, Harold Camping was "far more than 99% certain" that the end was nigh and the faithful like him would be raptured.

Seventeen years later, after the failure of his last prediction, Harold Camping is still here, predicting the end of the world once again. "Beyond the shadow of a doubt, May 21 [2011] will be the date of the Rapture and the day of Judgment," Camping told NPR recently.

According to Camping acolyte Brian Haubert, who was interviewed by NPR:


On May 21, "...starting in the Pacific Rim around the
6 PM local time hour, in each time zone, there will be a
great earthquake, such as has never been in the
history of the earth."

At that time, 200 million true believers like himself and Harold Camping will be raptured to heaven. As for the rest of us:

"It's just the horror of horror stories," Haubert said,
"and on top of all that, there's no more salvation at
that point. And then the Bible says it will be 153 days later
that the entire universe and planet Earth will be destroyed forever."

CULT OF THE DEAD COW thoroughly debunked Camping's 1994 prediction:

http://www.cultdeadcow.com/cDc_files/cDc-0277.html

…and according to Grandmaster Ratte', Pontifex Maximus of THE CULT OF THE DEAD COW, "We are far more than 99% certain that he's wrong. Again."

If Harold Camping truly believes that the Rapture will occur this Saturday, let him put his money where his Messiah is. Once Harold Camping is raptured, he will have no need for his home or his network of Family Radio stations. The CULT OF THE DEAD COW challenges Harold Camping and his attorney to contact cDc communications prior to May 21, 2011 in order to ensure an orderly transfer of property before the Rapture occurs. We will gladly accept transfer via quitclaim deed to help facilitate this process.

In the unlikely event that Camping's prediction comes true this time, the CULT OF THE DEAD COW pledges to use its newly-acquired radio network and assorted properties to aid in coordinating the counterattack against Hell's minions.

Oh, who are we kidding? We would probably just host a daily morning zoo show... the greatest morning zoo show the world has EVER known.

We're really serious, Harold! Are you?

Up up, said baby Judy! Up, up, up! Meanwhile, back in India...

PS: Happy 59th Birthday, Mr. T!

PRESS CONTACT
press at cultdeadcow dot com

ABOUT CULT OF THE DEAD COW
cDc is a family of magical elves who live in a cave near the Pakistan border. We've found & lost the Ark of the Covenant, and discovered Bigfoot working at a Hardees in South Carolina. We can speak the native language of the dolphin. Our neverending toil has resulted in over 2000 releases since 1984. Some of those have not involved Kleenex. We've changed your lives. Take a moment.

http://www.cultdeadcow.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult_of_the_dead_cow


###
xXx cDc Public Relations Death Squad xXx
"to deflect and swerve"
xXx PUSH 'EM ALL - LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT xXx



Comments

The Christians best be appropriating some funds for us dirt worshipers if we are going to be taking care of their animals until we are burned to death in the lake of fire. Oh well, bring it. More oil for me.

apocalypse everywhere: CDC warns of zombie apocalypse http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp

elliot, thank you!

I am sick of seeing people assume that because this man claims he is a Christian that Christian all share his outlook. The Bible says, "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone." Matthew 24:36.

i did not even know christians existed. i thought they were just a fictional character in a book.

Harold Camping is a old geezer that wants to be a prophet.....his ideals false....his math is basic and still wrong!
why should we take heed to his warnings?
Maybe he just wants to die himself....
lulz

This is probably funnier to me than any of you, let me explain. I heard about this crazy bastard then I went on family radio's website since I knew they would have his contact info. Then I emailed him saying him I would bet him $800,000 giving him my paypal account that we would still be alive come "Judgement Day". So since he moved it back does that mean I raise the price or does he automatically owe me since he forfeited by admitting he fucked up?


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