About - NSF Roster

We are the mighty and the chosen. Our power cannot be contained.


Rank: Crypto Deployment Operative
Discipline: Seven-Star Space Folding
Facts: Once punched a NSA agent so hard it created a fusion reaction, resulting in what is now known as the sun.

Rank: 12th degree light-switch flipper
Discipline: Incandescent Wind
Facts: Biot is the fifth Wiggle.

Rank: Master Tailor
Discipline: Thimble Jab
Facts: Made his own garrote from a length of CAT-6 cable braided with his own hair.

Rank: ?
Discipline: ??
Facts: ???

Rank: 1st Chef of the Science Brigade
Discipline: Spaghetti Death Fling
Facts: If it sticks, you’re done.

Comrade Smack
Rank: Podpraporshchik
Discipline: Steganographic Entropy
Facts: Comrade Smack went to the crossroads and fell on his knees. He asked the Cow for mercy and flagged for a ride. No one knew him and walked by. Had to get to the LBK with no way there. The sun was falling from the sky, dragging him into the dark. From there he made a deal with the Devil granting him skills.

Rank!? How dare you! This is Chanel no. 5!
Discipline: Ministerette of Propaganda; voice of the Infinite Cow
Facts: Does volunteer work making origami and ballon animals for under-priviledged children. Ben & Jerry are currently begging DaYuM for the privilege of designing an ice cream flavor in her honor.

Rank : Prophet of Sk0d
Discipline : Maledicta
Facts : CMFIC of the NSF submarine USS LUBBOCK ( SSN 666 )

Rank: Go-Go-Ninja Psychic Chick
Discipline: Fourteen-stage knock-down-with-a-keyboard combo.
Facts: Mistress of distress. Born in the year 1984, Devolish has the Cow in her blood. Kunoichi, trained to learn the secrets of an enemy by seduction and then kicking him straight in the balls.

Rank: 3rd Degree Bug Stomper
Discipline: Crushed Petal Form Ninjitsu
Facts: Once killed a man for refilling his glass with hot tea. The weird thing was, he had been drinking hot tea all along … he just felt lke killing him, that’s all.

Elliot Pank
Rank: Horseshoe Crab
Discipline: Sea Foam Dragon
Fact: Once got the entire Yakuza mafia to admit in writing that they were, in fact, “his bitch.”

Rank: Pebble-Snatcher
Discipline: Rice-paper walker, ninja-style talker.
Fact: While Flack doesn’t know karate, he does know crazy.

Rank: Master of the Flying Liverwaffle.
Discipline: None.
Fact: String-cheese fetishist.

Grandmaster Ratte’
Rank: cDc Warrior-God-King.
Discipline: None.
Fact: Immaculately conceived, G. Ratte’ was born of the Merovingian bloodline and thus rules by Divine Right. He owns two pairs of leather pants, and the ‘G’ is for ‘gnarly, gnot gnice.’

Rank: Spangemaster
Discipline: Shadow of Leaves Spork Fu
Facts: KEMiKAL is able to decapitate a jabberwocki with a single spork from 100 yards. Preferred secondary weapons include rolls of pennies, a no.2 pencil to the jugular, and super ultra +3 birdslaying zombie baby gats.

Lady Ada
Rank: Gatekeeper of Zuul
Discipline: Blinding *YOU* with Science
Fact: Once ate all seven layers of the dreaded 7-Layer Burrito, and still uses a pencil.

Lizzie Borden
Rank: Corporal Punishment
Discipline: Praying Mantits
Fact: Can break complex encryption keys using an abacus.

Rank: Jade Punisher
Discipline: Drunken Monkey Abuser.
Fact: Even MiB’s own mother has never met him.

Myles Long
Rank: Keeper of the Onyx Pagoda
Discipline: Blender Fists of Fury
Fact: Survivor of Jonestown.

Rank: 10th Degree Guitar Hero
Discipline: Biting Tick Ninjutsu
Facts: From the steamy jungles of south Africa arises a hero so strong, he punched a board in half and a tree in a nearby forest fell over. Many philosophers since then have been argueing over whether or not anyone actually heard the tree fall.

Rank: Security of the 666th World
Discipline: Firearms Expert, Keeper of the Seven Encryption Keys
Facts: Olorin once shot a man just to watch him die. The man was his daddy.

Rank: Refurbished Junky
Discipline: Ibogaine Drink Spiker
Fact: Made love with Ann Coulter in the back of a Chevy Lumina

Paris Hilton (Honorary Member)
Rank: Deevine embodiment of all thingz sexXxee
Discipline: Clamshell Cell Phreak, Pebl Rain
Facts: Invented Nonoxynol-9 breath mints, which killed L. Ron Hubbard

Rank: Bathrobe Ninja
Discipline: Summon spirits of Archimedes, Newton, and Gauss
Facts: Phrenchtoast invented the platypus. Phrenchtoast was Neil Armstrong’s travel agent. Phrenchtoast played all three Hanson brothers in Slap Shot (but not the sequel). Phrenchtoast gave Burt Reynolds his mustache.

Punkle Jones
Rank: 9th RAID Stripe
Discipline: Toilet Snake
Fact: Pheared by Chuck Norris.

RaD Man
Rank: 8-bit color palette
Discipline: Paint Brush with Death
Facts: So rad, he taught Cru Jones the secrets of Helltrack.

Rank: ?
Discipline: ??
Facts: ???

Rank: Tower of Power
Discipline: Deadly Finger Poke
Fact: Remember that one time you lost those files off that one machine? He’s got them.

Rank: 9th Gate
Discipline: Shikata Ga Nai
Fact: Valsmith is actually the Comte Saint-Germain.

Voice Of Anarchy
Rank: First Chair Headbanger
Discipline: Mighty Battle Flute
Facts: Can play “Turkey in the Straw” with one finger


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Tequila Willy
September 7, 1969 - May 25, 2015


December 29, 1951 - June 14, 2012

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