About - Team Bio

The hardy followers of our mystic path have strong backs, quick minds, and loyal hearts.  Joining our armed struggle is not to be taken lightly.  They have sworn a blood oath to live by the tenets and protect the secrets of our ancient Gnostic cabal, as they progress into 4th dimensional beings of pure light.  The only punishment for failure is to be burned alive! Those who would cross the cloven-hoofed path of Hathor should fear for their very souls, as retribution is surely swift when She manifests as the awesome power of DemonSeed Elite!

What follows are short biographical sketches of publicly-known initiates to CULT OF THE DEAD COW. Their real names cannot be made public, as doing so would place them in great mortal danger.

Cultees

[top]
Grandmaster Ratte' • member since 1984 •  cDc Founder and 66th degree initiate.
Immaculately conceived, G. Ratte' was born of the Merovingian bloodline and thus rules by Divine Right.  He owns two pairs of leather pants, and the 'G' is for 'gnarly, gnot gnice.'
gratte@cultdeadcow.com

Franken Gibe • member since 1986 • cDc co-founder and byproduct of a 1940s "super soldier" project.
Gibe authored the U.S. Declaration of Independence and discovered the continent of Antarctica.
fgibe@cultdeadcow.com

Drunkfux • member since February 1988 • cDc's Rock & Roll Mollusk.
Putter-on of HoHoCons, former pro-soccer player and always glam rock superstar, Drunkfux has had unprotected anal sex with your mom numerous times.
drunkfux@cultdeadcow.com

G.A. Ellsworth • member since July 1988 • Cardinal of the Eastern March.
ga@cultdeadcow.com

Obscure Images • member since June 1989 • Director of Insurgence.
obscure@cultdeadcow.com

The Deth Vegetable • member since December 1990 • Minister of Propaganda.
If everything is to be believed, he has alternately been a Special Forces Commando, Mexican wrestler, comicbook villain, bodyguard to Mr. T, designer drug manufacturer, electronics wizard, and used tire recycler.
veggie@cultdeadcow.com

Omega • member since February 1992 • originator of "hacktivism"
Very mysterious!
omega@cultdeadcow.com

Count Zero • member since February 1992 • Surgeon General of the cDc.
Count Zero is a man of science.  Abandoning a promising career as a neurologist and cabaret dancer, he joined the cDc as their official Surgeon General where he performs surgical bio-enhancements on all members to keep them operating at peak performance during space battles and onstage performances.  He is a hacker of the human brain and a connoisseur of fine Bordeaux and crunchy breakfast cereals.  Ultimately scorned by the medical establishment for his radical ideas and flashy jewelry, he operates out of a hidden medical laboratory beneath the ice cap in Antarctica.  When fighting crime, he outfits himself in a black jumpsuit augmented with bio-mechanical weapons and surgically attached robotic homunculi.  Turn-ons include long walks in the park and sunsets.  Zero fights the good fight, preparing for the future showdown against the evil robots for the fate of mankind.
count0@cultdeadcow.com

Mudge • member since February 1996 • cDc Hacker Laureate.
Mudge was separated from his parents on a camping trip as a toddler.  Lost and alone in the wilds of New Mexico, he was found by a female coyote and raised as her own pup.  For six years he lived on berries, jackrabbits, and the occasional stolen chicken which he hunted with his canine companions.  At the age of ten, a married couple (both physicists employed at the Atomic Energy Commission's laboratories in Los Alamos) discovered his inhuman plight and adopted him.  It was under their strict home schooling that he discovered the world of computers... and military networks.  Today he is one of the world's top hackers and can still do a piercing coyote howl.
mudge@cultdeadcow.com

Oxblood Ruffin • member since April 1996 • cDc's Foreign Minister
OXblood has roots as a farm boy in Canada.  Bored with plowing, he soon found his role in the air as a hot-shot cropduster pilot.  His passion for excitement led him to seek an RCAF assignment, but his unfortunate clubfoot held him back.  Undeterred, he found employment flying guns and refugees in the skies over war-torn Laos and Cambodia until 1975.  Returning to his native Regina, he discovered the battlefield of politics to his liking and began a string of unsuccessful bids for office.  He has since given up his own political aspirations for the time being but serves as a speech writer for several major Canadian political figures.
oxblood@cultdeadcow.com

Krass Katt • member since June 1996 • Pastor of Muppets, she's pulling your strings.
Krass Katt's image does not show up on film.  Krass Katt always is, and always has been.  Krass Katt caused the Hindenburg disaster with the careless use of her crack pipe.
krasskatt@cultdeadcow.com

Sir Dystic • member since May 1997 • Don't be a statistic, bow down before Sir Dystic!
He is rumored to be the love child of Seymour Cray and an unknown showgirl.  We found him living in a dumpster with a Palm Pilot, a case of Astroglide and his latest text file.
sd@cultdeadcow.com

DilDog • member since August 1998 • Friend, lover, confidant.
dildog@cultdeadcow.com

Myles Long • member since June 1999 • Former editor and Eagle Scout.
Born in Jonestown, Myles was the first person to fly across the Pacific Ocean... on a magical unicorn!
myles@cultdeadcow.com

xxxclusive • member since June 1999 • King of the Wild Frontier.
xxxclusive was the last man standing at the Alamo.  He also killt him a baar when he was only three.
xxxclusive@cultdeadcow.com

Hella Kitty • member since July 2002 • The Unstoppable Girlie Mafia!!
hella_k@cultdeadcow.com

Dark Sorcerer • member since June 2004 • Master of the occult arts.
dark_s@cultdeadcow.com

assrabbit • member since July 2004 •  Say His name three times fast!
Assrabbit is the product of a cDc genetic research experiment.  In attempts to combine rabbit and human DNA, while searching to produce the ultimate something-or-other ass-beast, he was formed.  Kept deep in the cDc lair, assrabbit is fed a daily allowance of pellets and gin.
assrabbit@cultdeadcow.com

Javaman • member since July 2004 • Now, with more sodium!
Javaman likes long walks on the beach and engaging in romantic candlelight dinners with various monomaniacal despots extracted from the course of history, brought to life by neurotransmitter imbalances.
javaman@cultdeadcow.com

Mixter • member since February 2006 •
mixter@cultdeadcow.com

Lord Digital • member since February 2006 •
digital@cultdeadcow.com

init0 • member since January 2008 •
init0@cultdeadcow.com

ioerror • member since July 2008 •
ioerror@cultdeadcow.com

JCRAN • member since August 2011 •
jcran@cultdeadcow.com

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